Control-Alt-Delete
by CheshireEffect
Summary: In this moment that I want to ask you the most. I wish I could ask you why the shadows in your eyes remain even after the lust has disappeared. I don't ask though, no matter how much I want to. I know you'll tell me. Rated M for LEMON. MxM
1. Control

**Well this story is now a three-shot. (Yeah I know I've been switching around with it a lot . Hush!) I was looking through my list of story prompts and saw "Delete: Matt shares his story. (Sequel to Control)" and I remembered that I planned ot make Control into Control Alt Delete. So I will upload chapter two shortly. **

**I do not own Death Note so you can't sue me. You wouldn't be a able to get any money anyways.**

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**Control**

**Mello's POV**

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I love it when you're like this. Not playing your video games while lounging on the couch but when you're kissing me with a passion that you don't share any other time. You're alive and on fire. You're my Matt and I want you completely.

Your fingers are tangled in my hair as my tongue searches your mouth and I love it. I love the little sounds you make and the way you taste like cinnamon. It mixes so well with chocolate.

Taking hold of your hips I grind you down on me as you moan softly in my ear. There are too many clothes between us but I don't mind. I love the pleasurable torture it gives me.

I smirk when you pull my hands from your hips and push them against the back of the couch. It's exciting when you take control but you know it won't last long. Biting you tongue gently I push you back onto the coffee table and you hiss as the edge of the wood digs into your back.

Secretly we both know you love it. You arch up into me as I rub our groins together while trailing kisses down your neck. It's gentle and sets your skin on fire, heat rushing through you. I know you so well yet there's more that I will never see.

Pausing for a moment, the sound of our breathing fills the air as our eyes meet. Your goggle are gone, where, I don't know, but I like the fact that I can see your eyes.

Placing a soft kiss to you lips I can feel you smile as your eyes slip closed. You kiss me back and the moment is gone as it grows deeper. But I know what I saw in your eyes. I see it every time we're like this. When you let your shields down.

It was there at Wammy's but I'm not sure if you were better at hiding it or if I grew to know you better. I know you'll tell me about it when you're ready.

Placing your legs so they're wrapped around my waist I lift you from the table and carry you to the room. Your head is resting on my shoulder as your fingers once again run through my hair. You don't tug or tangle, simply run them through in a calming manner that contradicts the need and lust between us.

Tossing you unceremoniously on the bed I watch hungrily as you strip out of your clothes while I remove my own. You flush when you notice my intense gaze and I feel possessiveness wash over me.

You are mine, all mine.

When you pull me onto the bed you have a wicked look in your eyes and before I know it you've flipped us so that you're straddling me. Placing a hand on the bed by my head you use the other to grasp my cock and gruide it into you. My eyes go wide before rolling back in my head.

I hear you gasp and you anchor yourself by placing your hands on my shoulders before slumping forward. Our foreheads are touching, sweat plastering our hair to our faces.

Your body is trembling as you adjust to me, the absence of preparation and lubricant making things harder. I hold still, albeit barely, sensing that if I progress things too fast you'll break.

Maybe that's you're secret. Has someone hurt you before?

Feeling anger flare up I press my lips to yours desperately trying to banish the thought. You give into the kiss as you start to move. At first the thrust are just shallow, a mere gyration of your hips but they grow until you're dropping down on me.

The movements, the closeness, the taste of you sends me into a euphoria and I let out a growl before pushing you back against the bed and thrusting into you. Your nails bite into my shoulders as you buck into my thrusts creating a friction that tears the first verbal cry since we've started out of you. Smiling I quicken my pace watching for any signs that you want me to stop.

You give none and for that I'm glad. I wouldn't be able to if you'd asked.

Your legs are back around my waist, keeping me as close to as possible and you grab at my shoulders desperately as cries well from your throat. Your walls tighten around me and I groan.

Wrapping my arms around your waist I lift your hips into my thrusts, going deeper with each entry. You lean up and bite my neck as you cum and I follow along as the pain of your teeth breaking my skin mixing with the pleasure your body is giving me.

Pulling out of you after a moment I fall on my side and gather you in my arms. Your head is resting on my shoulder, your red hair damp with sweat and sticking to my skin.

It is in this moment that I want to ask you the most. I wish I could ask you why the shadows in your eyes remain even after the lust has disappeared. I want to ask why you flinch when I move too suddenly around you and why you hate being in crowds.

But even more than all of these questions I wonder why you thrust me. What have I done to earn your love?

I don't ask though, no matter how much I want to.

I know you'll tell me.

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**Word Count: 1080**

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	2. Alt

**I'm so sorry about how long it took to get the second part of this up. Hopefully this makes it up for that. **

**I do not own DN.**

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**Alt**

**Matt's POV**

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I can hear your breath even out as you drift to sleep. There's nothing more that I want than to be able to fall asleep in your arms as well but I can't. As always the intimacy that we've shared has broguht up memories of a time that I'd rather forget. I can't help but pray that you don't notice but I have a feeling you do.

When our eyes meet your gaze lingers on mine as you seem to search for something within them and that is what gives it away. You sense something is wrong and that scares me more than anything. I'm scared of what you'll say if you knew. If you'd shun me for the sins I've commited.

But I must tell you. You deserve to know. You, the person that has loved and protected me despite my flaws. And so I shake you awake gently and wait for the the sleep to leave your eyes. There's a question so plainly stated in your gaze and my throat closes up. I can't. I can't ruin the innocent image you have of me.

You leave me no choice though as your hand comes up to cup my cheek. It's one of those gentle gestures that you dare not allow anyone else to see.

"Matt...what's wrong?" You ask and I can't not tell you. Drawing my legs up to my chest I turn to look at you with all your patience and concern.

"I...I'm sure you've...I mean...have you...?" I begin and feel my heart drop. I can't. "I have something to tell you." I whisper as I stare at the wall. I can't look at you in all your perfection. I don't deserve you.

You don't say a word. You just wait and the silence urges me to talk. The silence, along with my fear of being rejected, is suffocating.

"When I was a child my parents died in a car accident. The driver was drunk and hit them dead on. Neither of them made it and the driver later died in the hospital. At the time my brother, Nick, was nineteen and took me in. He lived in an apartment with his friend Jole. Jole was nice, he'd let me play his video games and would drive me to school sometimes when Nick had to be at work early..."

I lapse into silence a bit, collecting my courage for what I'm about to say next. I can feel you studying me but I continue to look at the wall.

"Then, as I grew older, Jole started to act differantly around me. He would say little things that made me uncomfortable and would touch me. Little things like caressing my arm, face, or side. Nick was gone most of the time and never noticed and I never realized that what Jole did and said was wrong. Then one weekend Nick's boss asked him to go to another city on a business trip. He asked Jole to watch me and said he'd be back in three days. As soon as Nick left Jole invoted me to play a racing game with him. He said that if he won I had to do whatever he said for a whole hour. I was getting really good at games so I agreed. ...I lost."

* * *

_The first command was that I close my eyes. I had to keep them close until he told me otherwise. I did and felt a hand in my hair. Ignoring it for the sake of the game I waited patiently for my next order as the hand petted my hair._

_"Open your mouth." Joel said and I obeyed. A peice of candy was pushed in and I let out a happy noise as the sweet flavor coated my tongue. I wanted to peek, to see where he was but I guessed that the candy was a prize for following orders so well. I wanted more candy and so I kept them close. _

_"Good boy. Now get up. Don't open your eyes! Follow my voice okay? I have a surprise for you." Jole told me and so I reached out and grabbed a hold of his shirt as he led me through the apartment. He complimented me serveral more times as we walked, and I cheated. I opened my eyes just a crack to see where we were going and realized we were headed toward the bedroom that Nick and I shared. Nick had gotten a seperate bed for me to sleep on and as we entered the room Jole steered me toward it and I shut my eyes again before he saw that I was cheating. _

_The fabbric of the bed met my butt and thighs as Jole lifted me up and sat me down on the mattress. _

_"You need to lay down." Jole instructed and my eyes opened as I looked at him shocked. _

_"But it's not time for bed!" I complained and he smiled. _

_"No, not yet, in a little bit it will be. So we're going to play a game. It's going to make you very tired but that's alright. Once it's over you come back here and sleep. Now when I count to three you get up and run and find a little blue cup. It has juice in it and you have to drink it all okay?" He said and I frowned. _What a lame game_, I thought but didn't dare say it out loud. I didn't want to hurt Jole's feelings. _

_Jole counted to three and I jumped up and ran through the house searching for the little cup. It wasn't in the room so I ran to the bathroom; it wasn't there either so I continued on until the last place I had to look was the window sill in the kitchen. Grabbing a chair I scooted it up to the counter and crawled on top until I was by the window. And there it was, my prize, the little blue cup with the juice in it. Taking it eagerly I climbed down form the counter and drank the liquid inside. It was really sweet and tasted like fruit punch. Grinning victoriously I raced back through the house and showed Jole the empty cup. He smiled and patted my head before sitting me on the bed and placing the cup on the dresser. _

_"Good job. Do you feel tired yet?" He asked and I nodded as I yawned. True to Jole's word the game had made me tired and so I grabbed hold of my pillow and shut my eyes._

_..._

_Later I woke up to hands carressing my skin. Letting out a yawn I moved to stretch and found that I couldn't. My mouth felt like someone had shoved cotton balls into it and my hands were being held behind my back. Raising my head I forced my eyes open to be met with was something covering my eyes and m y lashes brushed against the fabric that was blocking my vision. I raised my head and the hands stopped their carressing for a moment before my chin was grasped firmly. _

_"So you're awake?" A voice asked and I didn't recognise this voice. Shying away from the hand I stumbled back. It was then that I realized that I wasn't wearing anything and a whimper was drawn from my lips. I heard a hoot of approval and craned my head around to try and find where the sound was coming from. _

_"Aw look, he's scared Jole." Came the voice again and I froze. _

_Jole? _

_"...J-Jole...I'm scared." I said and my voiced rasped. "What's going on?" _

_"Sh-shh, it'll be okay." Jole told me and I shook my head. Shifting my wrists I winced as the ropes rubbed at my skin. _

_This wasn't right. I didn't like it. I wanted Nick. _

_"Where's Nick?" I asked moving back more. I needed a wall; something I could get my back to. _

_"He's panicking." Someone said out loud and once again I listened to try and find where it was coming from. _

_Suddenly a hand was in my hair, not gentle this time but forceful as it pulled my face down to the ground. I could feel my hair ripping at the roots and let out a shreik as I kicked out. A peice of fabric was shoved into my mouth and I thrashed even harder, trying to get free from the hand in my hair and the binds on my wrists. _

_I didn't like this. I wanted Nick, Where was Nick? _

_Hands grabbed at my legs to hold them still and I kicked at them until my feet connected with something firm and warm. I heard a curse and then my head was raised and slammed back against the floor. Laying there stunned I cried as my vision swam with grey dots. _

_After that it was mostly quiet besides a couple harsh whispers from whoever was in the room and the sound of my breathing. Then someone moved behind me and after that there was pain. _

_I screamed into the cloth in my mouth as something was pushed into my body. The pain only grew greater as I tried to move away from it. I felt like I was being ripped apart and this feeling only grew worse as the person behind me started to move. I don't know how long this continued until they left my body but soon the sensation was back and I knew that someone had taken his place. _

_I gagged around the cloth in my mouth as my vision swam before sound faded and I lost consciousness. _

_..._

_When I woke up I was sore and the tears on my face were drying along with various other fluids that I didn't want to think about. A hand was gently petting my hair and I moved away from it, not wanting to be touched. _

_"It's alright; I won't hurt you." A familiar voice said and I stopped. The blindfold was still over my eyes, cutting off my vision, so I couldn't see who it was. _

_"Let's have a deal, okay? You do something for me and I'll let you free and bring you back to your home. That's what you want, right? To be back with your brother?" The voice continued and I nodded. "See, I knew it. Now I'm going to remove the cloth in your mouth and you have to do as I say or I'll leave you here." _

_I nodded again, hesitantly this time, and the hand patted my head. A familiar scent clung to this person that I couldn't place. I knew it but the memory of where it was from wouldn't surface. The cloth was removed and I waited for my first order, wanting to go home as soon as possible. _

_"Open your mouth." The voice said and at first I refused but then I remember Nick. I wanted Nick. Doing as I was told I opened my mouth and gagged as something was shoved in. The hand was back in my hair, pushing my head farther down on whatever was in my mouth and I felt like I was choking. There was a low moan as they continued to move inside my mouth and I felt tears start to run down my cheeks. _

_"Don't cry kid, you want to go home right?" They said and I froze. Yes, I wanted to go home to Nick. I nodded and the hand loosened a little. _

_"Good, now suck." The voice commanded and I...didn't understand. There was a sigh and I started to tremble. _

_"Act like it's a lollipop and suck." They said and I did as ordered. The hand petted my hair once more and I was reminded of a dog being rewarded. "Use your tongue." _

_The instructions continued for a while as the person started to moan and I felt disgusted. Something warm and bitter shot into my mouth and I almost vomited but the man pulled out of me and held my mouth closed. _

_"Swallow." He said and I gagged as I tried to do as he said. Once he was sure that I had done as asked he released me and my stomach heaved. _

_..._

_True to his word he brought me back home after giving me my clothes and releasing my wrists. I still had to keep the blindfold though but I had become used to it. He had to carry me to the car as well as up to the apartment because every time I tried to walk pain shot through my body. Soon I was back on my bed and he wrapped me in blankets. _

_"When you hear your door shut you can take the blindfold off." He told me and I nodded. As soon as the door closed behind him I ripped off the blindfold and burst into tears at the sight of the room that Nick and I shared. It was just as I remember it and I couldn't help the sobs that came from me as I took in the room that I had missed so much. _

_I was home. _

_Getting up as carefully as I could I painstakingly made my way to Nick's bed and clutched a pillow to myself as I cried. The scent that I could smell earlier on that man swirled around me and I felt bile rise in my throat as I cried harder. _

_When I went to sleep this time I dreamed of the man that had released me. But this time he was replaced by Nick and I knew why that smell had been so familiar. I woke up to find the sheets underneath me wet and the smell of urine clung in the air. I had never wet the bed before and a shudder crawled through me at the feel of the pee cooling on my skin and clothes. Scooting over to a dry corner of the bed I curled up and cried. _

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"That was how Nick found me." I whisper into the thick air and my chest heaves. You haven't moved since I began my story and I know that you must be staring at me with disgust. I'm disgusted in myself as well. I know that I couldn't have done anything to prevent that from happening to me at such a young age, but that doesn't keep me from hating myself for it. And now you hate me too. You must; I've shattered your view of me and revealed the vile truth of my past.

"...I never let Nick know that I knew it was him that let me free." I say as I tighten my hold on myself. "It continued to happen every time Nick left on 'business' and every time Nick would bring me home after I did a sexual favor for him and would have me take the blindfold off once he'd left. The only reason it stopped was because Nick and Jole were arrested for stealing money from the company that Nick worked for. No one ever found out about me and I was brought to Wammy's because of how high my scores were when Child Services tested me."

And there's nothing else I can say. So I wait for you to shun me. The bed shifts as you move toward me and I flinch. You pause before reaching out and gently taking hold of my chin.

"I'm sorry." You whisper and my throat closes up. "I'm so sorry" You say as you gather me in your arms and I start to cry.

I know now that it was foolish of me to think you'd hate me for what I had told you. I know because you continue to hold me in your arms and rock me as your tears fall into my hair.

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**The third and final part of this will be titled Delete and will be posted as soon as I'm done writing it. Thank you for reading. **

**Review!**


	3. Delete

**Third chapter, you guys! Thank you so much for the awesome reviews. They mean the world to me.**

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**Delete**

**Mello's POV**

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I can feel you trembling and wrap my arms around you tighter. Now that I've heard your story I have one overall question; how? How could you learn to trust others after being treated that way by your own brother? How could you trust me, let alone allow me to touch you? And, once again, the questions that's lingered with me since the beginning of our relationship rises to the surface.

What did I ever do to deserve your trust and love?

I can feel hatred rise through me and yet I quell it for your sake, knowing that you're vulnerable right now. You're one of the only people that I can, and evern attempt to, reign my emotions in for.

Feeling tears roll down my cheeks I stroke your back and continue to rock you as your breath evens out. You nestle into the crook of my neck like a child and so I sit awkwardly with my back against the headboard and rest my chin atop your head.

I watch over you as you sleep and think about how much trust you must have in me to have shared your story with me. It's one of the reasons I love you. You're so forgiving and...innocent. Yes, innocent despite what those bastards did to you. The thought of them makes my hands clench into fists against your back and I have to take a long, calming breath before I unclench them

If they weren't being protected by the fucking steel bars of a prison cell I would have them assassinated. I know you've come to peace with what they done in some way but that doesn't mean I have to.

For now though I'll hold you as you sleep and protect you like I always have.

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**Matt's POV**

The next morning I wake up alone. I can hear the shower running and so I nestle back into the blankets to wait for you. I feel lighter now, as if telling you my story has lifted some burden off my shoulders. Or is it the fact that you accepted me even after what I told you?

The water shuts off and I sit up. I should stop being lazy. I should... I look around out our messy room with out clothes from last night scattered around and sigh. I should clean. Tossing off the blankets I don't realize I'm still naked until the cold air hits my skin full force and I break out in goosebumps. I let out a startled yelp and hop around to get some type of warmth.

Fuck, I hate winter.

I'm reaching toward a shirt (your's or mine, I'm not sure) when you wrap your arms around me. You'll still warm from the shower but the water that's dripping from you hair makes me shiver.

"We should...get dressed." You say and I resist the urge to suggest another activity. _Treasure a peaceful morning Matt, and save that stuff for later_, I chide myself. So I nod and hand you the shirt in my hand. It's not much but it's something. We spend the next minute or so gathering out clothes and getting dressed, and like most other mornings, there's a comfortable silence clinging in the air.

Once dressed, your arms are back around me as you rest your chin on my shoulder. "There's a fair in town." You say quietly and my eyes widen.

"Want to...go?" You ask and I frown. You've never asked me to go with you somewhere before. You're more of the stay-inside-and-have-sex type when you're not at work. But, not wanting to ruin my chace to go on a date with you, I nodded. It was a date right?

I felt a smile break out on my face. Mello, big bad leather clad Mello, was taking me on a date. You smile too, for a differant reason, and kiss my neck.

"Good, after work we'll go." You say and I nod again.

"I'll be ready, now go, you'll be late and Rod'll get pissed." I tell you and push you toward the door. Once the door closes behind you I sigh happily and turn on my game console.

...

When you get home, hours later, I'm still playing the game. You look at me as you shrug out of your vest and shake your head. You leave to the back room to change and come back in a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved v-neck.

"Let's go." You say and I pause my game and grab the keys from the table.

"You won't need those; we're taking the cycle." You point out and I shake my head.

"No, I'm driving the car, it's warmer."

"Stop being a baby, it's not even that cold." You say and reach for the keys. Too bad you're shorter than me.

"Say's the guy that was raised in Germany; where it's probably snowing all year long." I grumble and you shake your head.

"Not all year. Now give me the keys!" You snap, finally fed up with the fact that I keep tugging them just high enough for your fingertips to brush them. By now you're leaning on me and using my shoulder as a kind of handhold.

"You get these," I say, jingling the keys for effect "And we'll take the bike."

You smirk at the challenge before placing a hand on the back of my neck and pulling me into a kiss as your other hand travels up my arm toward the keys. My free arm instinctively loops around your waist as you stand on tip-toes. Jumping up a little you grab the edge of one of the keys and pull them out of my hand.

Breaking the kiss with a smirk you stroke the hair at the back of my neck. "Got 'em" You whisper against my lips and I lean down to kiss you again.

...

The fair ground is a lot more crowded than I thought it would be but you keep close so that I don't get overwhelmed. You really are being very sweet. More than I'm used to, but I don't say anything, not wanting to spoil a good thing.

I get the feeling that you are worried about me though. Which is absurd. I trust you, you know that, and... I had buried my past deep. Now that you know, I don't want it to change us.

"Look, a shooting game." I point out with my cotton candy paper cone thing. You dodge it before it can poke your eye out and look over at the game I'm pointing at. It has a giant Yoshi plushie as the grand prize and you seem to get why I'm pointing it out.

Detouring toward it you hand the stand supervisor a couple of dollars and we both take up a gun.

"You get three shots each to hit the three targets. Get 'em all on one go and you get the prize." The man says and points to the Yoshi plushie with his hook-stick. "You get two you get to choose one of the wmaller prizes, one and you get something from that shelf." He points to the shelf on the side that's holding a bunch of miniture prizes.

You and I take aim and by the end of the round you've hit all three targets while I've only pegged two. The man uses his hook-stick to get down the Yoshi and gives it to you. I choose a palm sized ball of German chocolate wrapped in orange foil. I know it's chocolate because I've seen you get them before and know that you like them.

We swap gifts and continue through the fair ground. (Bet you wish we had taken the car now, huh Mells?) There are lights everywhere and our breath fogs up the air in little puffs. It's a nice night though and as we continue to play various carnival games and eat junk food you seem to worry less and I get more used to the crowds of people around.

Finally we find our way to the Mirror Maze and I take your hand as we enter. Our reflections surrround us, each image looking so real that I feel like I can reach out and touch flesh instead of glass. (That'd be interesting, having a million Mello's around.) As we continue through the maze we end up getting lost with each turn until we reach a centerpoint. Letting go of your hand briefly I go back the way we came and you look around for another way out. Every way looks the same though and you seem to be getting fustrated.

"Mello, come and find me." I say and can't help but smile as you turn toward the opposite direction of where I'm standing. You scan each reflection but they all look the same so I start to give you directions, telling you whether your hot or cold as you go to each image. When you're finally in front of me I lean out and kiss you, my arms snaking around your waist. You respond to the kiss like normal, returning my passion with your own as your hands rest on my sides. There's heat between us but as our touches become more intimate you pull back.

...

I would have blamed your hesitation on the fact that we were in a public place if not for the fact that you did it again in the apartment. Every time we got too intimate you would pull away with a guilty look in your eyes. I knew you wanted to go further with our actions but, even with my encouragement, you'd cut them short before we got too serious. It was highly fustrating and as the days went by it took it's tole on both of us.

It's not that our relationship was solely based on sex, it was the fact that you didn't seem to want to anymore. Your body did, I knew that quite well, but you didn't and that hurt me the most. I could't help but link your distancing with the fact that I had told you about Nick and Jole and that made me sick. Did you feel like you were hurting me? Or did you not want me knowing that someone else had...been with me before? Was that it?

That question put me even more on edge than before and pretty soon we stopped any kind of contact at all. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I knew but...I didn't think that we'd change this much. I never would have said anything if it meant losing you in any way. Wiping at the stubborn tears making their way down my cheeks I splashed some water on my face to rid it of any signs of crying and returned my goggles to my eyes just to be safe.

You were already in bed when I got there and so I climbed in as well and laid down next to you, hoping that you'd put your arms around me. You don't and I sigh.

"A-are you...do...you...not want me anymore?" I finally ask after a couple minutes of silence and I can feel you sit up behind me.

"What do you mean?" You sound confused and I can't help but clench my hands into fists beneath the blankets.

"I don't know. We aren't as...close as we used to be." I say and dare to look over at you. You're looking down at me and I can tell by the look in your eyes that you're tired. "I'm sorry." I whisper into the silence following my statement.

"What for? You didn't do anything." You say and I shake my head.

"I shouldn't have told you. Now you're all worried that you'll hurt me and you're miserable. I didn't want that. I felt like you deserved to know but I never would have said anything if I knew that all _this_ would happen." I tell you and you pull me over so that I'm facing you completely. Then you kiss me.

"I'm worried, yes, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to give you space. I didn't want you uncomfortable any more." You say and I shake my head.

"I was never umcomfortable. I love you, stupid. You just over-think. Plus I started most of the kisses so how do _you _feel like..." I begin but you cut me off with another kiss.

"I'm stupid, that's why. I didn't want to put you through something that would bring up memories of what had happened so I stopped. Now what kind of question is 'Do you still want me?' Of course I do. You sound like an angsty teenage girl when you say stuff like that." You tell me and my heart clenches. You stupid, wonderful, perfect Mello.

I don't deserve you and I never will. But as you wrap your arms around me I know that all is forgiven between us.

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**I know that the ending is absolutely horrible and cheesy and sudden but...I don't know how to make it any better.**

**This is the last chapter of this little trilogy however so I hope you liked it. Thank you so much for reading and please leave a review with your thoughts.**

**-Chesh. **


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